Not Enough Donuts mp3

Over the course of the holiday weight gaining months, I found I gained five pounds I previously lost. This was especially disturbing for me because I worked hard to lose twenty pounds. I had no intention of gaining any of it back.

It is July, and despite my best efforts, I have been unable to lose the five pounds I regained. I exercise more (a natural since I bicycle in the warm months), and watch what I eat, working to lower both caloric intake and carbohydrates. However, what appeared to work to lose twenty pounds has not helped me re-lose the five I regained.

After several weeks of failing to lose weight despite my efforts, I web-searched the latest fad diets. I don't usually follow fad diets; to me they are dubious and questionable. Besides, I'm not sure why such diets work when they are the hot new fad, and stop working once an educated nutritionist determines they are bad for one's health.

But I found one fad diet which intrigued me. Tucked away in a corner of the internet, where it seems all the useful and factual information resides, was The All Donut Diet. By eating only donuts, the pounds would drip off like deep fryer oil, due to the donut's high fat, carbs, and caloric intake. Eating multiple donuts at breakfast would shock the body into such a fat and carb rush, it would not feel hungry for the rest of the day, lowering overall caloric intake. Great, I thought, I already eat a donut a day. Eating more donuts would be an easy path to weight loss.

On the first day, I pounded down three jelly-filled donuts prior to work. The buzz was amazing, four hours whipped by like minutes. By noon I was still soaring on the donut high so I decided to skip lunch. By one-thirty I crash-landed in a heap in front of my desk, unable to focus on work. I needed something, anything, to regain full consciousness. Being on a donut-only diet, I headed to the nearest donut shop.

Three crullers later, I again reached peak form. However, the carbo-rush was shorter; by dinner, I found myself craving more. I consumed two powdered donuts for dinner, took a bike ride to get in my exercise, and by bed time I was so drained by the sugar come-down, I could barely climb into bed.

The next morning I assessed what I did wrong. Eating only donuts was supposed to shock my body out of hunger. Obviously, I thought, I must not be eating enough donuts. It certainly seemed reasonable; if eating a few donuts was the problem, then the only solution would be to eat more donuts.

At breakfast the second day, I gulped six chocolate frosteds. Once again, I was flying through the day like riding a time machine, until four in the afternoon. The collapse was steeper and harder; I could barely stay awake driving to the donut shop to recharge with another six twists. I cycled through my evening exercises and splashed down in bed by seven thirty.

The following morning I again reviewed what went wrong. Once again, the solution was obvious: more donuts. If six donuts got me to four o'clock, I would need to eat a baker's dozen to keep me running until bedtime.

On the third day my strategy paid off. Thirteen breakfast donuts, and I ran on a sugar peak for fifteen hours. I don't remember what happened afterward except waking up on the bathroom floor at five in the morning.

On the fourth day, thirteen donuts didn't get me to the sixteen hour mark, I crashed after twelve. I compensated on the fifth day by eating fifteen breakfast donuts.

I followed The All Donut Diet for one week. On the morning of the eight day, I woke up in the hospital not knowing why or how I got there. When I asked the doctor, I found out I had been in a sugar induced coma for eighteen hours, I suffered a heart attack while surgeons were pumping me with insulin, and they performed an emergency angioplasty.

The doctor asked if I changed any eating habits over the past few weeks. I told him about The All Donut Diet, and reasoned that if eating a few donuts was my problem, the solution was to eat more donuts. The doctor told me I gained fifteen pounds and was now a diabetic. He handed me a brochure indicating the hazards of the new fad donut diet.

I looked at the handout's date. It was printed two weeks ago. Damn, I thought, just my luck for some stupid nutritionists to render another diet ineffective the week before I start it.