The Voodoo Shop

This sketch was written as part of an exercise at the Second City Training Center.

IN A VOODOO SHOP – NOON

FADE IN:

Mysterious object, vials, and potions are arranged on shelves. Sales CLERK stands behind store counter acting busy, but mysterious. WOMAN walks in.

CLERK:
(in a deep, exotic voice)
What I can help you with today?

WOMAN:
I'm looking for something to help me, well...
(disgusted)
It's my boss. He's been making advances towards me.

CLERK:
You want to kill or injure him?

WOMAN:
No, nothing like that.
(short pause)
I just want to hurt him.

CLERK:
Physically, or psychologically?

WOMAN:
I'm not sure. What do you recommend?

CLERK pulls out vial from under counter.

CLERK:
(sinister laugh)
This powder, will give him uncontrollable cursing fits when he is talking to superiors.

WOMAN:
No, that's not quite it. I'm looking for something that will affect him in his...manhood.

CLERK pulls out vial from under counter.

CLERK:
This potion will make testicles burn like fire when he is aroused.

WOMAN:
I like that! But I'm looking for something that I can see in action. Something that will affect him at work.

CLERK pulls out vial from under counter.

CLERK:
This elixir will force him to direct sexual passions to male superiors. It will also make testicles burn like fire.

WOMAN:
(sinister, and drawn out)
Yeah!
(inquisitive)
Will he be aware of what he's doing?

CLERK:
Yes, but he no have control.
(sinister laugh)

WOMAN:
But how do I...get him to drink it?

CLERK:
Your boss, he like you to get coffee, no?

WOMAN:
(disgusted)
Yeah, with cream and one sugar. Just like he says he'd like me.
(shudders)

CLERK pulls out 1/2 pound bag of coffee from under counter.

CLERK:
I have special today. You buy bag of Starbucks Breakfast Blend, I give you elixir for half price.
(makes pouring motion with vial)
You make coffee, slip it in.

WOMAN:
I'll take twelve.

BLACKOUT.